July 27, 2008

July 31 is National Orgasm Day

Not here in the US but in Britain, either way it is a good time to celebrate with the one(s) you're close with. This holiday is promoted by Scarlet magazine and the makers of the PelvicToner who conducted a survey of over 2000 women across the UK and found that shockingly 46% of British women never or rarely achieve orgasm. The study is still ongoing and can be found here if any ladies want to participate.

The survey found that women with better pelvic floor muscles were enjoying better sex lives, which I'm sure will please Arnold Kegel, who developed an exercise program that in 1952 was tested in a 3000 patient study and highlighted the link between muscle strength and tone and orgasm achievement. Of those women who were deemed "sexually dysfunctional," being taught and practicing a resistive exercise program helped many of them achieve orgasm for the first time. The technique Kegel developed is rarely taught to women.

Now there is the PelvicToner(TM), which is a progressive resistance vaginal exerciser designed to help women meet the fundamentals of Kegel exercise to help identify and isolate the vaginal (pubococcygeal) muscle and then to exercise it properly against a variable resistance with the appropriate bio-feedback.

Exercise in this area is definitely important but just as important is a woman's mindset as well as personal knowledge of their own sexuality. I have been with women who have been helped to orgasm by simply settling their fears and building trust, this is probably a big thing with younger women as guys are simply worried about the act while there is certainly more going on inside the woman's head (social stigma, abandonment issues, emotional connection, etc). Another reason I think women have trouble achieving orgasm is the unwillingness to masturbate. If you want to do really well on a math test you will practice the problems by yourself in a low stress setting and then when you get into the test room when the pressure is on and your professor is expecting a good performance you know how to solve the problems, what the steps are and how to complete them. In contrast, if you simply walked in cold-turkey and expect to perform well you would most likely be unable to perform as well as if you had practiced.

It is a crude analogy but masturbation is about equal to sexual practice, for women it is an important part of learning their bodies and what it takes to reach orgasm, which to men probably sounds a little ridiculous. But I remember being told by a woman, after having been with her for a reasonable period of time and working to achieve regular multiple orgasms, that now she knows "where it is" and "what it takes" to reach orgasm (Hi mom and dad, glad you read this blog!). What a novel concept to men, learning how to orgasm and what it takes is usually a very rapid process once puberty is reached. For women though it is a much more complicated process (there's a lot more than just one big piece) that does require a bit of knowledge and practice. In my mind this is easier to achieve individually instead of with a partner. Being with a partner requires you to worry about another person's needs and worrying about whether you're pleasing them, individual masturbation though doesn't require you to worry about anyone but yourself. You can try different things without having to build up the courage to ask or worry about the response you'll get for a request. This takes the pressure off of performance and you can concentrate on yourself and what you're feeling. After a little practice I'm sure everyone can find out what hits their buttons and how to translate that into sex. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Let's take a look at the survey results so far:

Nearly half of all women are not getting their share of orgasms!
75% of older women claim they have a G-spot, but a third of under 25s can't find it.
Women with a "good" pelvic floor have twice as many orgasms.
Women who followed the PelvicToner exercise program reported a much improved sex life within 4 weeks.

More results: Over 2000 sexually active women have already completed the 2008 Orgasm Survey

72% say they are aware of their G-spot but its location varies significantly!
50% place it just inside their vagina nad 35% deep inside. The remaining 15% locate it elsewhere!
46% never/rarely achieve vaginal orgasm during penetrative sex.
Only 31% claim to do so often or always.
69% are aware that the strength of the pelvic floor muscle is implicated in the ability to achieve orgasm.
70% of women claim to exercise sometimes or often but 92% would like to be shown how to exercise properly.

Those women who rate their pelvic floor as good or very good, or who exercise regularly, are twice as likely to achieve vaginal orgasms as those that rate their pelvic loor as poor or very poor. (42% v 22%)

Two thirds of women who rate their pelvic floor as poor or very poor never or rarely have vaginal orgasms.

42% of women using the PelvicToner said they became more aware of their pelvic floor immediately, rising to 85% within 2 weeks.

62% of women using the PelvicToner reported an improved sex life within 2 weeks rising to 82% after 4 weeks.

62% of PelvicToner users said that their partner noticed the improvement in muscle tone/tightness

Just because the PelvicToner was the promoted product by the survey conductors don't let that fool you. Any exercise program designed to strengthen the vaginal muscle will produce improved sex results, and if you're embarrassed to go looking ladies send your man, if he's not willing to jump up and help when you say you want to improve your orgasms (or achieve an orgasm) you need to find one who will. The internet has plenty of good advice about how to perform exercises and here's a little secret to you ladies who go once a year or every 6 months to a gynecologist; ask them, they are very informative and can find you literature on the subject.

(Due to a concern raised by a female friend) Gynecologists should never judge or make you feel uncomfortable talking about sex, this includes simple concerns to the safety of a certain fetish. It is their job to maintain the safety and performance of your reproductive organs and I promise any good gyno will be willing to discuss aspects of your orgasms (or lack thereof) and give you good answers, if not you need to find another gyno. It is not their job to judge your actions, morals, or beliefs and if you're scared to ask then take someone with you (a bf, you'd be surprised how uncomfortable you thought you were until you bring him in with you, maybe the scariest experience of my life) and have them either talk to the doc or just be there to give you support while you're discussing your concerns.

Either way ladies, simple exercises are really a great way to improve your sex life and can be done easily, such as in the car or before bed. Your partner will appreciate it as all men want the feedback an orgasm gives and hopefully it will reduce stress surrounding sex that can come with a non or rarely orgasmic woman. So go out and celebrate one of the great British holidays, maybe we should petition for the introduction on this side of the pond.

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